Roughin it...life without water.

So I gets home from work and sees a shady van parked outside me house. I went right up to it and started peerin in de windows, like ya would right? So some buddy comes outta de van and starts talkin to me in French. I heard "chaud" so naturally I assumed he was talkin about me. Enticed, I started flippin me hair, poutin me lips, and hikin up me snowpants to try and show him a bitta calf dat was stickin outta me winter boot.  He started givin me de eyes, looking me up and down, and shouting at me "tu n'as pas d'eau chaud".   Well, I was tickled pink I was! Jackpot! So I said "buddy you're not so bad yerself dere! Why don't you come wit me and eat a bitta da codfish I got simmerin on de stove?"
 So then he really gets excited right  He goes "non espece de conne! Tu n'as pas D'EAU chaud!" and takes me by de hand, leadin me under the stairs of de patio in me backyard. So now I'm tinkin, now jeez dis 'by is real strange and kinky, I never even seen him before and wants to do it right dere in de snow under de porch! So I followed him. we went into de basement under de stairs, and lo and behold, right before me very eyes...FLOOD!!! Dere was water flickin outta it every which way, steam everywhere, and some kinda god awful bangin noise comin outta de top.  Sure enough, hot water boiler blew.
 Later dat night as I was boilin water to splash onto me "essentials" in the bathtub, I couldn't help but wonder why buddy was comin onto me so strong with all dat mess goin on!!!!!

Bloggin Brenda?

Holy jeez 'by me friend told me I should start up a "blog" or whatever de hell ya calls it...I'm here sneakin on de internet at me job...you know, I just sneaks away from me desk and into de lunch room for awhile so I can go online. Then at de same time whatever men comes into de lunch room I gets 'em to give me a bit of their lunch, right? I just tells 'em the truth, that me friggin youngsters ate all me food, and dey hands over whatever lunch their wives got packed for 'em.
 Me friends tells me I should be a bit more careful about sneakin away from me desk, but honestly I think they're just jealous dey don't got de moves with de boss like me right? I puts a cup of hot coffe on me desk in the morning when I comes in, and it fools 'em into thinkin I was just there! By de time it cools off I've had me time to figure out me ex-boyfriends new password and break into his email, and keep an eye on me Ebay...sure last week I let me guard down for a second and I got out bid on a turtleneck sweater dat apparently Johnny Depp tried on at de Gap!! Dat can never happen again!!
 Uh oh I sees me boss over nosing around me coffee. Luckily I keeps a coupla packs of Sweet N Low in me purse so when that happens I can rush back to me desk wit it in me hand, and pretend I just went to the kitchen for a second to get it. That paired with a coupla old files on me desk that I can shuffle through and dere ya have it....Brenda's busy at work!