De last baloney.

So dere I was in de grocery store, pickin up a few tings...bitta beer...tins of pepsi...celeb gossip magazines (you know, to keep de youngsters outta me hair since de cable got cut and I can't stick em in front of de tv for awhile). So I dragged me cart over to de deli aisle..you know it was takin awhile cause I had one of dose ones dat got de ole wobbly wheel onto it, drives me nuts!
 So I gets to de aisle, saunters up to de fridge, reaches out me arm, puts down me hand, and BAM! Me land landed on someting weird. I looks down and sure enough, de hand of some misses who got dere just a second after me, was restin below MY hand on de LAST big stick baloney! Now I `don`t know about you but Brenda loves her baloney. So I looks her right in her beady eyes and tells her to get her rotten paws off me big stick...ya shoulda seen her hand too, ole dirty ole nails wit de crud under em, smudge of orange nail polish left on dere, I thought I made meself pretty clear, but de rotten skank tightened her grip and SMILED at me, and before too long she was friggin takin off through de store with me big stick between her legs, on her way to cash 3! I really wanted a baloney sandwich for supper so I started chasin her right? Screamin at her at de top of me lungs,Gimmie back dat baloney bitch!! So I caught up wit her and ripped it outta her hand, started beatin her over de head wit it, and when she finally let it go I was so riled up I hauled de plastic off and started haunchin right off de top of it, wax and all! I guess I was breathin right heavy too cause when I came to and got me senses back I seen people runnin away dodgin de flecks of baloney dat were flyin outta me mouth. so den I seen de misses layin on de floor bein a drama queen, yellin someting about oh poor me i got robbed, oh poor me, me heads bleedin, and I seen de security guards comin! So I ran outta dere wit de baloney stick shoved down into me bra and me coat pulled up right high to cover over me face so I wouldnt get recognized again, and I'm sittin here now eatin me baloney sandwich. So yes, yha, all I can say to dat is don't come between Brenda and her Baloney.

Brenda gets a date

Oh me god, so I was just sittin around tryin to decide if I wanted baloney or Spam sandwiches fer lunch, and de phone rang. Scared de shit outta me since I had taught it got disconnected right? Had to use all de money I had left to buy lunches fer de friggin kids fer school...jeez who woulda taught the little friggers would wanna bring a lunch EVERY DAY?!

 So anyhoo I wasn't gonna answer it cause so many people are lookin fer me...de credit department up to Sears, all me ex byfriends whose stuff I took of with, I tink de police might be lookin fer me fer dat time I took me tits out up to Thursdays and got kicked outta dere for dancin on de bar and stealin a 26er of vodka...But someting told me to answer it and I did..and lo and behold who was it? De buddy I met at de laundry mat when I was rootin through everyones dryers tryin to find some new socks fer de kids! He told me I forgot a pair of me drawers and he wanted to get em back to me. I said 'by sure I don't even wear underwear so I don't tink dey could be mine, but I sure am hungry if ya feels like takin me out fer dinner! And he did! So yes dats it now, Brenda got a date!